just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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