I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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