a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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