I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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