my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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