I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
sex in a hospital.. check
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
