Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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