weddingsv make me drug and hornr
North Korea, Best Korea!
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
