We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
