i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
