suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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