yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
