Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
