If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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