dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You may now shotgun with the bride
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
