did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
