Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
