We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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