And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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