Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
