you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
