very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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