God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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