I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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