How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
