She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
