Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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