I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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