I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
