It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
