5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
