Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
