Where are you?
In a non slutty way
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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