I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I wish you could order shots online.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
there is glitter all over my balls
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
