i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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