Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
