Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
