So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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