How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
you never un-have a 4some
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
