He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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