May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
