Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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