felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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