apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Even my vagina gasped.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
