Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Randomize
