I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
