I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
me + whiskey = a bad person
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
