Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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