My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
