The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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