Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
porn star boner night. come get it.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
