yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
