I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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