respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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