I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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