It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
