I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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