Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
